Most Ridiculous Upcoming Events and Programming in Summer of '08

by Toby Meuli and Brian Watkins

1. "How I Survived a Japanese Gameshow". Overtly racist gameshow brings back squinty-eye jokes and giggling submissive women for America's enjoyment.

2. "Celebrity Circus". Washed-up celebrities wear tights and damage their bodies, desperately clinging to the idea that "any publicity is good publicity."

3. Gas Prices. True story: group of people found praying at local gas stations for lower prices. What? Really though, what does that mean? We're looking forward to their answered prayer.

4. Beijing Olympics. See headline: China decimates several neighborhoods to make room for Olympic stadium.

5. Dick Cheney believes in global warming after getting wicked sunburn.

6. Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain slated to mud wrestle on "The View". Entertainment news sources blow it wayyyy out of proportion.

7. Thousands of college students horribly dissapointed when Barack Obama fails to turn water into PBR at OSU rally.

8. In an attempt to save energy, city of Berkeley, CA bans new age sects from gathering and spreading "good vibes".

9. Polar bear mates with Panda bear and creates the cutest f---ing thing on planet.

10. TV show "Moment of Truth" airs episode where the following questions receive "Yes" responses:
- "Have you ever cheated on your wife?"
- "Are you an alien?"
- "Are you plotting to destroy the world with your alien powers?"
- "Did you ever cheat on your wife with another alien who is plotting to destroy the world with you?"
- " Have you ever flirted with a co-worker?"
Ratings sky-rocket. Extramarital alien affairs sky-rocket.

11. "Celebrity Russian Roulette" on FOX

12. Someone dies on new summer show "Wipeout". 53.7% of audiences think it's "kind of funny."