Friday, September 19, 2008

"Late September/Early Fall"

by Brian Watkins

The onset of fall always brings a nice reality check with it. In a good way, though. The transition from summer to fall is like the end of one of those movies that not everyone likes because it’s kind of sad and touching, yet desperately real; a nice respite from the bubble gum sentimentality of summer blockbusters that provided us with more air conditioning than substance. Fall is that low-budget film that you hope gets an Oscar, but deep down inside you know it won’t because Christian Bale lost sixty-five pounds to play Sammy Davis Jr. We know it won’t get it’s full due, but that’s ok. It doesn’t need it.


So late September arrives and we all put on something flannel and take a walk by ourselves through a beige passage filled with introspection and armchair philosophy, usually happier than we care to admit.


Introverts like the fall to linger because it’s a time that you don’t need an excuse for not wanting to go to the beach.


At the end of September fashions emerge that seem to say, “It’s cool to dress like an old man,” removing the lens of ageism and making geriatric trends hip again. Only in the fall can you get away with wearing unconscionable amounts of twill.


At the end of September, you’ll find Calvinists and existentialists with a greater sense of hope, because, after nine months of waiting, the world is finally back on their side. Fans of Samuel Beckett can once again say, “You see! I was right!”, and public radio listeners sigh a little louder when they hear about the old Lutheran woman down the street who passed away, displaying proof of their humanity. All this, imperfectly good.


At the end of September, our diets begin to welcome strange, starchy inventions like breads with bits of squash and weird potato casseroles. Couscous. Soup is back, and in a few more months, stew.


When winter arrives, we’ll be lucky enough to smell the coming snow, like prescient animals before a storm; a skill the likeness of which is unknown to any other season.


There is a great comfort in fall, fallen-ness, and things that once were. Each year it gives our new(er) country a shot of nostalgia, of looking back, of a greater appreciation for corduroy. It's a sort of quiet reverence for the fading of things. Autumn gives more leeway to the use of clichés (I hope), because the sentiment “It’s all been done before” outweighs newness and originality.


At the end of September, there is a universal familiarity with things that have fallen. It’s nice that we all agree to take up rakes and make piles of the big, beautiful mess, creating a way for the green of next spring.



Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Short: "An Artist" Directed by Dan O'Malley

A very funny and well-shot short film about an artist who is pretentiously unclear.
Writer/Director/Editor: Dan O'Malley
Artist: Phil Eastman

Hope you enjoy it.


An Artist from Phil Eastman on Vimeo.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

5 Cent's a Joke

ABC Creates New Holiday: "National Stay at Home Week"

by Brian Watkins

ABC has recently announced that September 21st thru October 1st is "National Stay at Home Week." In a $250 million advertising campaign they have launched a series of billboards, commercials, print ads, and foot soldiers promoting the 10 day event. In a puzzling tongue-in-cheek-but-maybe-not-really-joking attempt to keep Americans out of harms way and in front of their televisions, the major network has begun their effort by boycotting all parks and libraries, as well as churches, synagogues, mosques, and temples and any place that is "outside the safety of your house or apartment or whatever" for an entire week.

The largest effort to ensure success in the event has been what ABC is calling their "Bully Squad"-- a play on Best Buy's "Geek Squad"-- that is set to intimidate all those who attempt to not participate. The television network plans on arranging squadrons of these "Bully Squads" in public places and on sidewalks on major residential streets. In preparation for the week that ABC is hoping becomes a new National holiday, the bullies have been trained to taunt pedestrians who are not inside their homes. "The bullies will be there basically to just kind of remind you that this is a National event and that being outside is unpatriotic," says Mike Floffer, one of ABC's marketing executives in charge of the campaign. "You might hear things from the bullies like 'Stay off the sidewalk, pussy', or if you're jogging or whatever they'll say 'You run like a girl, go back inside you girl'. Sometimes they'll just shout 'gayboy' or 'pansy' if they see someone outside their home. We also encourage them to make comments about people's outward appearances, in hopes that they might become self-conscious and stay inside, respecting this National holiday like a true American who isn't a pansy would."

The event is part of a trend of companies trying to pull of what some say Hallmark did with Mother's Day. In October, Marlboro is gearing up for what they're calling "National Second-Hand Smoking Week" shortly followed by the FOX television network's "National Try Not to Read Anything Week". The FOX network is promoting the event with the slogan: "we're just trying to be funny... but also sort of not."

Companies have steered away from November and December, claiming those months are "too packed with religious stuff and historical crap where we've already got people buying and eating enough... but we could always use more. Ha, ha, ha... yeah."

But January is wide open, they say. Pepsi-Co has initiated the first annual "National Throw a Bunch of Those Plastic Soda Rings in the Ocean Day" on January 2nd. And starting on January 21st, Exxon-Mobil will roll out its event "National Leave Your Car Running Overnight With a Cinder Block on the Gas Pedal Week". When asked if they thought the event would conflict with Martin Luther King's Birthday, celebrated on January 21st as well, a spokesman for the company said "ehhh, we're not too worried about it. Man, this is a great sandwich. Do you want a bite? Take a bite. Its pastrami."

ABC is confident that their new holiday will be embraced. "I think that we can all agree that what is outside and unkown is either just boring or scary. I mean, right?," says Floffer. "And if there's one thing that isn't boring it's TV. It's the Emmy's. It's dancing celebrities. It's watching beautiful nurses and doctors have affairs in hospitals and dreaming about being as pretty and in love as they are. Because they are much, much hotter than the average American. It's about hope. And Jesus. And I think it's about time that someone stood up and said 'You know what? Nature does suck.' Because it does. Nature... just... sucks. So why not stay at home?"

http://abc.go.com/primetime/nationalstayathomeweek/index?pn=index?partner=rm&cid=rm+NSAHW+google+National_Stay_at_Home_Week

NOTE: A TRUE fact about National Stay At Home Week is that the network is actually promoting the event as "a way to conserve gas and help the environment". What? Please share your thoughts and leave a comment.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

New York Times Op-Ed Art: "Republican Convention Schedule"

We thought it'd be good to share Christopher Buckley's counterpart to the previous post on the DNC's schedule of events with his take on the RNC's schedule of events. Favorite moments include Paris Hilton's presentation on global warming entitled "That's hot!", and Theme-Day 3: "Deficits, Schmeficits". Click on the image to get a better view and tell us your thoughts.


www.nytimes.com
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/09/01/opinion/20080901_opart.html

 
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